The Light is Also the Fire

Groovy Guru stood up and looked sternly at the assembled crowd. I can’t stand these people, he thought—and then, to his own surprise, he laughed at the thought. He laughed out loud. The crowd followed with a nervous chuckle that swelled into full-bodied laughter—then stopped just as suddenly.

A-Beam hadn’t laughed. He didn’t understand what had been funny. What was he laughing at? he wondered.

Groovy Guru sat back down and cleared his throat. If they only knew what I was really thinking, he mused. He kicked off his sandals and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. He was weary—tired of sitting in halls like this, spontaneously discoursing on topics shaped by the moods and questions of his reverent audience. Tired of being the “knower” for those who came to see him. He wondered what it would be like to sit in the audience and ask himself a real question. What would I want to know? What would I ask myself?

A-Beam stood up. “Groovy Guru,” he asked, “why did you laugh—what were you laughing about? Could you share that with us?”

Groovy Guru smiled. He was ready to deliver a remark that would reaffirm his status as the knower, something profound. But he felt too tired to play that game. “It’s best I don’t reveal what made me laugh,” he said, and chuckled again.

A-Beam sat down. He sensed Groovy Guru was withholding something—but who was he to question the Guru’s authenticity? Was Groovy Guru not feeling groovy?

A-Beam left the hall. Light beams pierced through the clouds, painting the sky in color. He took a picture. Maybe I’ll use it in a collage or painting, he thought. He kept walking, drawn to the beauty around him. He’d never been in this area before. His artistic spirit, his delight in the rapturous play of light, breeze, and form, was fully awakened. A-Beam was feeling pretty groovy.

He forgot about the teacher. He forgot about the five-day retreat. He wandered for hours in a blissful daze before realizing he was truly lost. How do I get back? he wondered. He asked Siri for directions but couldn’t remember the name of the retreat. His mind blanked. His phone died.

He was surely in need of a navigator.

His sense of direction was terrible, even in the most familiar of landscapes. Sometimes, he lost familiarity with the very places he returned to over and over again. And on top of that, he had direction dyslexia—always mistaking right for left and left for right. He was in a fix. He wanted to get down on himself for wandering away, but he was having too great a time to indulge that judgment. I’ll figure it out, he thought.

A-Beam often got lost. It happened all the time. It wasn’t just that his sense of direction was bad—which, to be fair, it kind of really was—it was that he didn’t have any anchor, no deep roots in the life he was living. Most of the time, he even thought he was going crazy. It occurred to him (or her) that he or she might be disappearing and reappearing into different lives. He couldn’t really tell, as the life he was currently appearing in felt just as real—or just as unreal—as any other. He thought Groovy Guru might be able to help him with this problem. Surely it was a problem. How could he navigate and align his life to some great attraction, some great dream or purpose? The idea of awakening—of enlightenment—could that be the answer? Could the realization of that ideal help him root somewhere at last?

Groovy Guru had his own problems. Though he preached non-identity—no real one, personal one here—he suffered the burden of everyone’s expectation that he was the Great One who could deliver what everyone wanted. He liked being revered in that way, but it came with a great burden as well. He felt he could deal with the burden, but as time wore on, the rituals of his service began to feel stale. The worshipper and worshipped weren’t becoming one. The division between them was greater and greater as he was looked up to—he looked down on those who were his devotees. Thus, the feeling of displeasure, even (a mild form) of hatred, grew within him and was getting harder and harder to deny or suppress. No one tells you about this side of the business, he thought.

So A-Beam and Groovy Guru had something in common. Can you guess what that is?

Can true freedom bind you? Can freedom be too non-binding to make sense of a lifetime? Of any lifetime?

A-Beam felt he was lost—that his wandering from and out of one lifetime to another gave this kind of freedom no meaning. Groovy Guru, in his freedom of being a no one, was interpreted as being the knower of the great unknown. This bound his freedom in a way that anchored him to a room of people that he never really wanted to love except at a distance, and in an idealistic manner. He wanted to serve but didn’t want to be close.

Fortunately for both A-Beam and Groovy Guru, there was a purposeful identity—a spirit that could take any form and do the work that was needed and necessary. He is called the Navigator. The Navigator always took great delight in helping anyone who was wandering away from the point and needed some direction to get back to where their hearts could do them the most good. Very rarely did the Navigator actually take form to guide the directionless or the direction-challenged back to the true North where they could find the true center, but in this case, to help A-Beam (in particular), who was wandering from life to life, he decided that he would take a form. The Navigator appeared to A-Beam.

A-Beam looked up. “Oh, I didn’t see you there. Could you help me? It seems I am completely lost.”

“Where did you come from?” asked the Navigator. “Where are you trying to get back to?”

“Good question,” laughed A-Beam. “I am trying to find the retreat To Know Mountain.”

“Oh, you have wandered away from the well-trodden path. It’s about ten miles from here.”

“Ten miles, wow! I must have got lost. It’s so beautiful here.”

“Yes, an amazing, beautiful place. Listen, I’m parked at the trailhead—due west, which is about two miles from here. I could give you a ride back to the retreat. It’s on my way,” offered the Navigator.

“Thanks, man, I’m A-Beam.” A-Beam held out his hand.

“I’m called Nadir.” The two men shook hands.

“I’m glad I ran into you,” laughed A-Beam. “I really didn’t know how to get back. I love to explore and wander, but I have the worst sense of direction.”

“You’d be surprised at how many people are directionless,” laughed Nadir.

“Fortunately, I ran into you. You seem to have a good sense of direction,” A-Beam replied.

The Navigator smiled as his reply.

Part 2 – The Guardian

Leah entered Groovy Guru’s chambers. She expected it to be modestly decorated, but oh was she so wrong. Besides the evidently very large bed that was decorated with plush furs, there were carpets that were not only lush, but depicted scenes from Krishna’s rapture with his gopis. Then there was the truly weird disco ball hanging lights that also spun. The ceiling was showing displays of an ever-changing cosmos. The sound system was playing really rockin’ devotional music that she had never heard before. Wow, this guy, I mean my guru, really has game, she thought.

Groovy looked up from his magazine. He smiled and motioned to Leah to come to him by patting the bed beside him. Leah hesitated, then jumped onto the bed, startling Groovy. He laughed.

“What are you reading?” she asked.

“A fashion mag,” he answered.

“Really?”

“What do you think of this dress?” he asked.

Leah liked the high waist and the bell sleeves. “Yeah, I like it but in lavender, not green.”

“Me too. Fortunately, I found it in lavender. Want to try it on?” asked Groovy. “I have a dress that I think might be your size.” Groovy jumped up from his bed. Leah noticed that he was not wearing underwear under his silk harem pants. He reached into a closet and pulled out the very same dress from the magazine (and, yes, it was lavender). “Try it on, it will look lovely on you. Use the walk-in closet if you like.”

Leah took the dress and tried it on in the walk-in closet. She looked at her form in the mirror and admired herself and thought, who could resist? The closet caught her attention—rows and rows of shirts, jackets, pants, and yes there were women’s clothes as well. Obviously, Groovy doesn’t mind cross dressing, she thought.

When she entered the bedroom, Groovy had his shirt off. She twirled around, showing herself in the dress to him.

He clapped his hands, “Wonderful on you. Did you see anything else you like in my closet?”

“I only had a brief look, but it looks like you have an amazing collection of clothes—for both genders,” she added.

Groovy smiled, “I do really enjoy fashion, but I also enjoy au naturale,” and slipped out of his harem pants.

Leah, not at all being naïve or shy for that matter, tugged on her dress and pulled it off. “I do enjoy au naturale too,” she laughed, “Groovy, just what are we getting into?”

“Well, my dear girl, I thought each other,” he said in his most seductive voice.

Man, this guy is kind of corny, thought Leah. “Can I ask you a question?” asked Leah in earnest.

“Please do. Whatever you like, I am here to please you.”

Leah asked, “Are you attracted to me?”

“Surely you know that you are the prettiest, the most desirable woman in any room?”

Leah feigned surprise, “Oh, am I? You didn’t really answer the question. Are you just attracted to my body, my looks?” she asked.

Groovy was surprised at this question. Most of the women devotees he had seduced were thrilled and oh so willing when he complimented them on their looks. “Well, I don’t know you well enough yet beyond what I can see,” he answered diplomatically.

“And I don’t know you either,” she replied. “Should we just have sex and have some fun, or should we get to know each other and see if we have a chemistry beyond these bodies and their desires. Maybe see if we can meet each other on a deeper level.”

“Oh, no,” thought Groovy. The disciple is teaching the master. He loved the very idea of it. “Leah, my girl, I would love to get to know you, meet you where you truly are, as you truly are.”

Leah laughed assuringly, “Very well, my Groovy Guru, let’s go for a hike in the desert tomorrow. Meet me at 5 am before it gets too hot.” Leah jumped up and put her clothes back on. Before she left his chambers she turned around and blew a kiss to Groovy. “See you then.”

Groovy was left alone with his desire not being satisfied. What is a guy to do? He satisfied himself!

The next morning, he dressed himself in state-of-the-art hiking clothes. His usual attendant was surprised that he was up early and that he was alone. “Gurudev, your usual breakfast is ready if you like.”

“I’ll have it later,” Groovy replied as he finished tying the shoelace on his hiking boot.

He saw Leah standing outside talking to someone. Oh, it’s the guy from last night, he thought. Also, a memorable encounter from last night, besides the one with Leah. I wonder if he is still abiding as his own true profundity, Groovy thought. A few people had glimpses of their eternal state in his satsangs—either their glimpse faded, and they returned to their usual state of personal identity and seeking, or they left and put out their own shingle of being groovy and being the guru. He always doubted their authenticity, but never interfered with their new groovy status or job.

He watched Leah and A-Beam from a distance and heard an earful. Leah was telling A-Beam, “I was impressed and shocked when you stood up to Groovy Guru with your conviction last night. You might start a new precedent of demanding enlightenment from Gurudev.”

A-Beam chuckled, “I just had to drop all that fear of finding out I am really no One.”

“Really?” asked Leah. “What’s it like to be a true bona fide No One?” she teased.

“I’m learning, I’m finding out that no matter what occurs, I am the awareness of happiness before anything needs to happen.”

“So nothing needs to happen to know you are happy?” asked Leah.

“Yes, I’m already happy. Being a someone or trying to be a someone creates the fear that we are really no one. No one is who we are!” exclaimed A-Beam.

Leah smiled and reflected, “Do you think Groovy Guru is genuine? I mean being the guru is quite a job, all these people admiring you and all the women willing to go to bed with him. Did he really give you enlightenment?” asked Leah.

Boy oh boy was Groovy Guru hearing an earful. This girl will not go down easily. He wondered how he would impress her with his spiritual state, his all knowing, and his love to man-splain. He was excited about the challenge.

A-Beam thought over Leah’s question. Did Groovy give me enlightenment, or did I take it? he asked himself. He thought of his meeting with Nadir and how Nadir had helped him navigate past his fear and aimless wandering—how Nadir gave him the direction to stand in his conviction. What did Groovy give him?

“Well, Leah, Groovy Guru, Gurudev, challenged my conviction to see if I would stand firm in it—and when I did, it was obvious that I am as I am—already free, already happy. All the fear was gone, was destroyed.”

Leah persisted, “But do you think Groovy Gurudev has the power to give someone that conviction?”

“Who knows?” answered A-Beam, “He has his own authority that makes you believe he can. Maybe that is real enough.”

Leah thought it over. “Maybe that is real enough,” she agreed. “What are you going to do now that you are enlightened, are you going to stick around and sing Gurudev’s praises?”

Was that last question sarcastic? wondered Groovy. What would A-Beam do now?

“Yes, I’m sticking around for the remaining days of the retreat. I’ve made a good friend that promises to show me the desert in his bad ass EV Hummer.” A-Beam then inquired, “How about you? And by the way, I’m singing Gurudev’s praises in my heart. He is a groovy guy—just look at all he has created and how much he enjoys himself.”

Leah laughed and nodded, “That he does.” She thought and maybe I’ll enjoy myself with him too.

Groovy watched A-Beam bid his farewell to Leah and walk off to the parking lot. He saw Leah check her apple watch and turn to look for him. When she saw him, she waved. Groovy enjoyed the smile on her face. There is something between us, he vibed. He genuinely liked her; it was not just her good looks that attracted him. She was dangerous. She could ruin my life, he thought. Whatever happens, he thought, everything is about to change. He knew for certain that much was true.

As they walked, Groovy could feel that Leah was churning things over. He let her be with her thoughts till finally he grew impatient with her unavailability to him.

“A lot on your mind?” he asked her.

“Yes,” Leah answered, “I was thinking about enlightenment and being on this retreat.”

Groovy waited for Leah to continue. She continued slowly, deliberately, “I’m not sure if I am actually interested in enlightenment—if it’s for me.”

Groovy was surprised at this.

“I’ve heard all your teaching, it makes sense to me, it rings true.”

“Yes,” Groovy Guru simply said.

“But I don’t know what I am doing here.”

“Does my teaching not call to a deeper knowing in you?” Groovy asked.

“It’s very persuasive.”

Groovy nodded, “Perhaps continued exposure to the deeper knowledge will persuade you.”

Leah stopped walking and turned and faced Groovy. “I don’t want to be persuaded, I want to be attracted—attracted to the point I am on fire for this truth of who I am. I don’t feel that I am.”

Groovy appreciated her honesty. “I appreciate your sincerity, Leah. May I ask, what are you attracted to?”

“I am attracted to being fearless, to going towards what attracts me and experiencing that.”

“That is an exciting way to live a life,” Groovy answered.

“Groovy,” Leah ventured, “I’m glad I told you I’m not interested in my enlightenment, not yet anyways. I was afraid to tell you that.”

“Why did you want to tell me that?”

Leah felt awkward and she told herself—tell him what you want, be fearless.

“Groovy,” Leah hesitated, “I don’t understand it, but I am attracted to you, but I don’t care about your enlightenment or enlightenment.”

Groovy was puzzled, also felt a bit uncomfortable. He was unsure of what to say next until he found himself saying, “Why don’t we just get to know each other like how two ordinary people do?”

Leah smiled and laughed, “Could we? Does someone like you date? Do enlightened people fall in love?” she asked.

“Probably, all the time!” laughed Groovy. He held out his hand to Leah and she touched his fingertips and grasped his hand. Groovy felt a tingle spread throughout his whole body.

Later, alone in his room, Groovy mulled over his experience—what Leah confided to him on the walk. All his experiences warned him to stand alone in his own depth and wait for the willingness, trust, and preparedness of a devotee to approach him with this preparedness. Leah, on the other hand, was sincere with him, but having a relationship—an intimate one outside the approach of devotee to Guru, what would this yield except disappointment and an inevitable betrayal on her part. He couldn’t understand why he seemingly wanted to continue with her proposal. What could he possibly want from her? He was already free (he felt sure of it) of the entanglements and possessive games of egos. Yet, like Leah, he also wanted to be free to follow his attractions—fearlessly. It was at a time like this he wished he had a close confidant that he could share the how and why of following certain (bewildering) attractions. He usually waited and watched and followed the cues of those reactions from people around him, which were usually not good. He felt that his life was a wild ride, always seeing the great potential in everyone. It was a wild ride that moved at a snail’s pace, as not everyone shared his vision of their potential. He saw everyone as sheep that would only follow if they were being herded. This at times infuriated him. He already sensed the disapproval and jealousy of his close attendants. He was free, a free man, but he was in an uncomfortable position having to exercise his freedom—his choices and attractions—amidst their approval and disapproval. Who was free of their own judgements? Was there someone he could confide in?

There was. Groovy had such a friend. This friend, however, always stayed in the background, not making himself visible. It worked best that way. For Lenda knew Groovy liked to feel that he was his own man, and as playful as Groovy was, there was an invulnerability to him that kept him obstinate, needing to appear to be in control. The more devotees or followers he had, the more he stood alone and at times enjoyed that pedestal and the perks it gave him. He had no one to share the ups and downs of such a life, and no one to laugh at him and with him—until now—Lenda made himself visible.

“Hey Buddy,” Lenda spoke up via the heart channel.

Groovy dismissed the “Hey Buddy”, so Lenda spoke up again.

“It’s me, you know me, man, want to talk?” Lenda asked.

Groovy asked, “Who is this?”

Lenda laughed, “Aw come on. You know, it’s me, your Guardian Angel. I’ve been around for a long time.”

“Really?” asked Groovy, “You’re my Guardian Angel? Didn’t know I had one.”

“Aw, come on, Groovy. We’ve been talking for years. I’ve been with you, talking it over through all the pivotal times of your life.” Lenda flashed a series of such pivotal times in Groovy’s mind. “Always been of service.”

Groovy replied, “Yes, I see it, I see you have been always with me. How extraordinary! Me having a Guardian Angel.” Groovy laughed and laughed. “Love it! By the way, it’s great to meet you even though we’ve known each other all along. Why are you coming forward now, in such a visible way?”

“Groove, you were wishing for a confidant—thought I’d make it obvious that I was yours. What would you like to confide in me about?”

“Oh, you know.”

“Yes, about Leah,” Lenda prompted Groovy to reveal his heart. “What are you worried about?”

“I’m seeing I’m not as fearless in meeting my attractions as I assumed I was.”

“She is pretty fearless in that department, isn’t she?” asked Lenda.

“Yes, that scares me and attracts me even more.”

“What are you going to do?” asked Lenda. “Thinking of throwing out your reserve and all the rules that reserve holds in place—willing to risk the disapproval and clicking tongues of all your devotees? And the shift and consequence that might entail?”

Groovy laughed, “When you put it that way, why would I go through with it?”

“Except that you don’t want to be confined by anyone’s assumptions—assumptions of what you can do or not?” asked Lenda.

“Ah, you know me all so well.”

“Yes, I’m your Guardian Angel—well the service I provide is of guidance not guarding.”

“Thanks for being there. It’s been such a help to get this off my chest. I know what I want to do now.”

“Great, Groove, I’m always here when you need me.”

“And even when I don’t?” Groovy asked in a joking manner.

Lenda laughed, “I got a life of my own too.”

“Oh, you do?” asked Groovy. “I would love to hear about it sometime.”

Lenda was thrilled to hear this.

Leah packed up her suitcase. It was the last day of the retreat. She headed over to the dining area to grab a cup of hot tea and a cinnamon roll.

“Quite a retreat?” a gentleman dressed in a black T-shirt and black pants asked. “Wasn’t Groovy, well Groovy?” he asked.

Leah laughed and uncharacteristically blushed. “Very interesting.”

“I thought so too. I’m Nadir,” the man added.

“Leah,” she revealed as she paid for her breakfast. She found a seat by the window and looked out at the manicured landscape.

“Mind if I join you?” Leah was surprised at his persistence. She wanted to sit, enjoy her bun and gather her thoughts, which were running in all directions. Nadir sat himself down and took a long, slow sip of his coffee. “Ah, the first sip!” he exclaimed. Leah smiled and thought, looks like this guy is not going away. She gave him a deeper glance. Was he hitting on her, she wondered.

“Naw,” Nadir answered her internal inquiry.

“What?” asked Leah.

Nadir just took another slow sip of his coffee and then added more sugar to his coffee. “Needs more sugar.”

Leah took another bite of her roll and decided to go for the obvious, “How did you like the retreat? Did you get anything from Groovy Guru?” she asked.

Nadir laughed, “I got that he was willing to give it to me if I was willing to take it!”

Leah laughed, “Yes, that was quite a moment with that man.”

“Yes, it was,” answered Nadir. “Do you think he took it?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” answered Leah. “I talked to him later—A-Beam, strange name. He seems sure of something now that he wasn’t sure of before, perhaps. Anyways, sweet guy with a wide-open heart.”

“Yeah, that he is. Good sense of direction, too,” laughed Nadir.

“What do you mean?” asked Leah.

“He knows where he wants to go by knowing where he is already.”

Leah thought it over. “What do you think that guy, A-Beam, is going to do now?” she asked. “Be another Groovy Guru?”

“Maybe, but very different. I suppose he’ll follow his attractions, like Groovy does.”

Leah was sure she saw Nadir wink as he said that. She was not sure she totally understood what Nadir was getting at.

“Well, what can any of us do? Except follow, be led in the directions of our attractions. That’s why we came to this retreat in the first place.”

“I suppose so, thought I was attracted to enlightenment, but turns out I’m attracted to…” Leah did not finish her sentence.

Nadir rolled his eyes into his cup of coffee. “Interesting where our attractions can lead us. Do you think there is any purpose to it?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” answered Leah. This man asks interesting questions, she thought.

“Could be how our lives play out, sets the tone, the direction in which we are heading.” Nadir finished his cup of coffee and got up. “Nice meeting you, Leah, I got a call to roam the slot canyon of the desert.”

Leah nodded. Would she follow her attraction? Is this what her heart wanted? She felt terrified, that’s how she knew that she had to follow in the direction that her heart was calling. She retrieved her phone from her bag.

“Groovy? Would you like to go for a drive in the desert with me?” she asked.

“Yes, I would,” he simply said.

Groovy had a few details to finish up, a few goodbyes to the devotees that had coordinated the event. He was anxious to take his leave and meet up with Leah. He showed the right amount of enthusiastic gratitude to the few that always persisted in seeing him off to the very last possible moment.

“Great retreat, much thanks for your support and stay true.” Groovy Guru jumped into his Range Rover and drove out of sight, right to where Leah was waiting for him.

She waved to him, and he thought she looked quite fine in her blue tank top and hiking shorts. She jumped into the range rover jeep.

“I know a spot for a great sunset,” Groovy volunteered. “It’s about a half hour drive from here.”

“Great,” Leah sighed. She thought, what am I getting myself into? She was surprised when Groovy spoke that thought right out loud.

“I don’t know,” she laughed. “I was just thinking the same thing.” That he was thinking the same thing as she was put her more at ease. She reached for his hand and he held it for a while. His touch felt smooth and she rather liked it.

Groovy drove past a large rock formation that from a certain angle resembled the face of an eagle. He stopped the car where the dirt road ended. There was a jumble of rocks that gave the impression that they would be fun to climb and hide in. Leah immediately jumped out and began to climb them. When she got aboard the highest rock, she exclaimed, “Hurry, the sun will set soon.”

Groovy scrambled to the top. They stood side by side on top of the big boulder. Groovy spoke first, “My teacher once stood on this rock and displayed his siddhis to a group of green wannabe acolytes. It was quite a night.”

“Really, what did your teacher show you?” she asked.

“I didn’t see much. Others saw him disappear and lights glow brighter and disappear. I kept hoping I would see something like what other people were describing and seeing.”

“You didn’t have any experience like that?” asked Leah.

“Not like that,” answered Groovy.

“Oh,” asked Leah, “What kind of experience did you have?”

“I was panicking, I was absolutely terrified that everything I ever thought was true was wrong!”

Leah laughed, “And was it?” she asked.

“As it turns out, it was very true,” Groovy said.

Leah was puzzled. “If everything we think is not true, is anything real?”

“That, my dear, is what scared me the most, if everything I thought was wrong, was the idea that I was real, wrong, too?”

Leah was quiet for a moment. “What happened, then to you?” she asked.

“My teacher appeared in front of me. He gazed at me for what seemed to be an eternity. As he gazed at me, I was able to relax past my fear and I saw—the unseeable—that he was just as unreal as I felt I was. At that moment his head burst open and there was only a globe of white light that contained endless universes.”

“Wow!” Leah exclaimed. “And you said you weren’t having an experience.”

“Not until that point. My experience was only allowed when I relaxed my fear that all my thoughts, and my thought of myself as true or real, have no validity at all.”

“I can see why that can be a very frightening moment,” Leah added. “How can anyone be ready for such a moment?” she asked.

Groovy Guru spoke in his best guru voice, “I have been trying to prepare people for that moment.”

“Oh, that guy A-Beam, did you prepare him?” she asked.

“No, he came prepared, perhaps he had a teacher that had helped him.”

Leah thought it over a bit. She knew she wasn’t ready for such a moment of self-recognition. She still very much wanted to believe she was real.

As the sun was setting, she turned to Groovy and gave him a sweet long kiss. Would this intimacy that she felt with him be the beginning of many more to follow? She hoped so, and it was.

“Want to drive?” asked Nadir.

“Yeah, that would be great!” answered A-Beam. The two men exchanged seats in the black Hummer. As A-Beam slid into the driver’s seat, he giggled like a young boy. Nadir gave him the basic instructions while A-Beam adjusted the seat and mirror. “Where to?” he asked Nadir.

“Let’s head over to the slot, it’s down a pot-hole-infested road, but the Hummer will handle it nicely.” Nadir pointed to the turn and A-Beam turned in. “Man, this handles so nicely.”

A-Beam was really enjoying the ride. Nadir was right, the Big Bum handled this mess of a road like it was a joy ride. It was a joy ride for A-Beam. He was not afraid, and he had (now) a strong sense of where he was going. It was as easy as following your attractions, and he knew that the Hummer would get him there. After twenty minutes of avoiding potholes, A-Beam maneuvered the big car right through a big puddle that turned out to be surprisingly deep—almost up to the door.

Both men laughed heartily. “Park there,” encouraged Nadir, “We’ll find the slot canyon over there.”

Nadir grabbed a couple of quarts of water and placed them in his backpack. A-Beam followed Nadir into the slot canyon, admiring how the walls of the canyon rose up. “Guess you don’t want to be deep in here during a storm.”

“Oh, no,” laughed Nadir. “Not easy trying to outrun a current of water racing down this canyon.”

“And not easy trying to climb these walls,” replied A-Beam.

“Especially in the rain, very slippery,” added Nadir.

Nadir could tell that A-Beam was absolutely enjoying himself while they explored the canyon. “There are some very interesting pictographs towards the end of the canyon. I wanted to show them to you. Almost there,” added Nadir.

“How does this canyon end?” asked A-Beam. “Does it open up?”

“Interestingly, there is a cave at the end of it!”

“A cave!” exclaimed A-Beam. “Have you ever explored it?”

“Yeah,” Nadir simply smiled. “It’s very cool. There are some holes in the roof of the cave so once your eyes get used to the darkness there is some light lighting it up, we’ll see just fine.”

As the two men entered the cave, A-Beam almost tripped on a good-sized rock. Nadir caught him as he was about to lose his balance.

“Thanks, man. Didn’t see it, my eyes are adjusting to the dark now.”

“What did you think of the pictographs before we entered the cave?” asked Nadir.

“Very strange, but kind of familiar too, like I’ve seen them before,” A-Beam reflected. “What do you make of them?” he asked Nadir.

Nadir laughed, “I thought maybe you can tell me.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well, let me show you what’s in the cave, then,” Nadir suggested. Now, this is getting very interesting and very mysterious, thought A-Beam.

As the two men continued, A-Beam felt more and more that he was returning to a place that he already knew, a place that had been or would be again significant to him. He wasn’t nervous or frightened, his heart felt gladdened in a way he had not felt before.

Nadir looked at his friend. He knew A-Beam was ready, that this was the perfect timing. Nadir the Navigator always had the perfect sense of direction, and his timing was excellent too.

A-Beam saw a light beam hitting a big rock at the back of the cave. The light beam was shining its way through a crack in the ceiling rock. Nadir held back as A-Beam approached the rock that was lit up by the light beam. His first impulse was to touch it. It felt smooth and he could feel a humming vibration coming through his fingertips and filling his body with a most delicious sensation. The sensation was warming him, and he felt received and met in the truest place, his heart.

“Old friend,” Nadir could hear A-Beam’s greeting. Nadir listened as the exchange took place.

“Seeing you feels like no time has ever passed.”

“Yes,” the rock form responded. “How could there ever be a separation between us?”

“Yes, indeed,” laughed A-Beam. “Coming here—to this life—puts one in a strange predicament. I lost all my bearings for a while.”

The form laughed, “I understand, I embedded myself here in this cave waiting for you and the light beam to become visible to you once again. Who is that with you?” the rock form asked. “You must introduce us.”

A-Beam turned and gestured for Nadir to come forward, which he did. “This is Nadir,” A-Beam shared. “His sense of direction is perfect and his timing is perfect as well.”

Nadir smiled and asked, “Whom am I having the honor of meeting? Could you show me your form, if you have one?” added Nadir.

A form began to take shape and emerge from the rock. It resembled A-Beam—an A-Beam in feminine form. “So you are A-Beam’s shakti?” Nadir assumed.

“Yes,” answered the feminine form. “A-Beam is the light, and I am the light that is also the fire. We are always together, but until recently when he self-recognized himself as the light—before that self-recognition he was not aware of my light, my fire.”

“That’s why my sense of self was so weak and directionless,” A-Beam exclaimed.

The light that is also the fire spoke up, “And you also have a secret, too. Does A-Beam know that you are the ‘The Navigator’?” she asked.

“What is the Navigator?” asked A-Beam as he looked at his friend Nadir.

“I have been known to help those that need to be put on track so they can fulfill their destiny. Seems my work with you is coming to its fruitful, successful destiny.”

“But we just met,” both A-Beam and the light that is also the fire said at the same time.

“That was my work, to have the One become the Two and to know itself as the One. You two have some very important and interesting work to do.”

Nadir the Navigator abruptly disappeared, leaving the One appearing as the Two surprised. “Must be some poor directionless soul needing his help,” they surmised.

Fortunately for their wedding present, Nadir had left the badass Hummer for them to make their getaway. The journey of following their attractions would take them down many roads. Perhaps we will come to hear of their work left behind in the stories that have been told.

The Guardian Angel shuffled the cards. Groovy Guru picked one. He laughed and tossed the card down. It was the tarot card called “The Lovers”. The Guardian Angel laughed too.

“Is it destiny or desire,” asked Groovy, “that propels something to take place? What do you know about such matters?” Groovy Guru asked of his Guardian Angel.

Lenda the angel answered, “On such a subject there are many philosophies.”

“Good avoidance of answering the question,” Groovy replied.

“Indeed, why does anything happen or seem to,” answered Lenda.

Groovy wondered, “Perhaps our own shakti energy propels the appearance of everything and in that appearance for something to happen.”

“Well put, sir. I see why you have the work you are doing.”

“Oh,” laughed Groovy,” And what work is that?” he asked.

“Explaining the unexplainable as if we could really understand the why and what of whatever is happening.”

Groovy laughed again, “To tell you the truth, dear Lenda, the words—my explanations just come out of thin air. People go oh and aw as if it makes sense to them. My people record them and sell them back to the same people that heard it in the first place.”

“Quite a game, the teaching, I mean.” Ledna replied. “But what about this card, The Lovers?” Lenda held up the card. “Does it make you think of Leah?” he asked.

“Or is she thinking of me and I’m feeling that?” Groovy Guru countered.

“And the feeling of that—her thinking about you, is that pleasurable to you?” asked Lenda.

“Got me on that,” laughed Groovy.

Lenda teased, “What could she possibly see in you?”

“Yes, what indeed?” agree Groovy.

Leah couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned and felt her arousal grow. She wasn’t thinking of Groovy—all that thinking could happen later in the form of questions and doubts. Tonight she felt his form as her own. She was in him, and he was in her and their forms together in this way built in her, in him, a heat that felt like a fire that was burning away her resistance. She knew that she would be with him. This heat, this fire needed to burn, to be expressed through the union of these two. This arousal was different than any other attraction she had had to a man. It scared her because she couldn’t protect her heart. Her heart was completely vulnerable in this arousal. She had no control over what her heart wanted. She wanted to be with Groovy. Did he put some kind of spell on her? she wondered. Did he have such a power? she wondered. She thought of herself as a strong woman, not easily influenced or subjected to flashing emotions. Can attraction become so strong, she wondered, that one doesn’t have control over it? Since she often saw herself as fearless and tested herself by entering the fire of her own fears, was this fear beyond her capacity to enter it and face it? Why am I afraid of this attraction, my attraction to him? she asked herself. She knew the answer. In any attraction she had to a man before, she was always in control of what she showed of herself. She always held back part of herself and never revealed everything. She knew she would not be able to hold back anything with Groovy. This terrified her. Her attraction and arousal were so great that she knew she had to be willing to be fearless and completely open her heart to him.

Finally, she fell asleep and felt him embrace her and whisper in her heart so her mind would be reassured.

“Don’t worry darling, my heart is your heart. This has always been true. Trust me. This is our time, the beginning of knowing and living together as the One, as the light that is also the fire.”

She didn’t know what that meant, but she did trust him and the know in her heart, the piece that she always held back, unfurled and opened. In her heart, inside the lotus flower, a flame burned bright.

Groovy got up. “Where are you going?” asked Lenda, his Guardian Angel.

“Oh, you know, don’t you?” he asked.

“Yes, to be with her,” smiled Lenda.

Before Groovy closed the door behind him, he turned to Lenda, “Thanks for your guidance.”

“You’re welcome, dear friend. I too must be going.”

“Oh?” asked Groovy, “Another heart needs guiding?”

“Oh, no, it’s my own heart. I must be returning to my beloved.”

“Pray tell?” asked Groovy.

“That is a telling for another time.”

“I understand,” Groovy closed the door, zipped up his jacket, and found his car keys in his pocket. His palms were sweaty, and he felt like a teenage boy going out on his first date. Was this his first time or a deep returning to meet her again, to meet her, the light that is also his fire?