The Exploits

Yakaboobis and Yakataboof were the best of friends. The enjoyed each other’s company immensely. They always knew how to enjoy whatever life brought their way. Their motto was, “Nothing ever happens, so why not have fun and enjoy all this mass of nothing that appears as something?” Each man was a dynamo of already foolin’ around, already happy, but together they brought it to another level—way beyond whatever colors you are going to find in your box of crayons. They didn’t color in the lines and they didn’t paint themselves into any kind of self-reference. They just went along and played their parts with a crazy kind of wisdom that made their exploits very interesting indeed. In their time they were tolerated, but after they wrote themselves out of existence they became legends and were referred to as the “crazy wise fools of ole Blossom Hill”. People traveled far and wide to climb Blossom Hill and hoped and prayed for a flash or transmission of their free-foolin’-around wisdom. I don’t know how that turned out for those seekers. I’m just in the time of those crazy dudes and they let me in on some of their wonderful crazy exploits. This particular story is about the time they went to heaven. Let me see if I can remember it correctly.

Yakaboobis and Yakataboof were driving the mountain road. They were going up to hike among the Sequoia trees. It was in early May and the mountains were unfreezing and warming up with the warmer weather. Yakataboof was a bit of a chatterbox and Yakaboobis loved to sing. Yakataboof loved gossip and knew everyone’s business in the small country town he lived in. “Yakaboobis, did I tell you that my daughter is graduating and wants to move to Europe?”

“Yeah,” laughed Yakaboobis. “You already told me that.” Yakaboobis sang a song about driving the mountain road and his excitement about seeing the Sequoia trees after a long absence due to the winter conditions. Yakataboof jumped in and invented the second verse. The song improved as their car climbed and maneuvered up the hill. Yakaboobis had a funny thought and said to his friend, “See you in heaven”—which was a little bit odd for Yakaboobis to say because neither dude believed in heaven—although neither were non-believers either.

Yakataboof managed to say, “See you there” right before the 25-foot recreational vehicle that had lost its brakes came tumbling down the mountain road, couldn’t clear the curve, crossed into their lane and sent Yakaboobis and Yakataboof (and their car) flying over the side of the mountain.

Yakataboof didn’t skip a beat, noticed the long line and mentioned to Yakaboobis, “Looks like a long wait. Did I tell you that my son is getting married?”

“Yeah,” laughed Yakaboobis. “What is this line for? What’s going on?”

Yakataboof shook his head. “Looks like the line to heaven. Didn’t you say, ‘See you in heaven?’?”

“Yeah,” laughed Yakaboobis. “Think we died and went to heaven?”

“Not quite. We’re just in line to get into heaven,” laughed Yakataboof. “We believe in heaven? I don’t remember ever believing in heaven.”

“Heaven?” laughed Yakaboobis. “We don’t even believe in death! But it appears to be happening!” Yakaboobis looked at the people standing in line behind him and in front of them. There really was nothing else to look at—no scenery, just bright, shiny wisps of light clouds. Most of the people looked dazed, shell-shocked, a few looked excited, some were hopeful. The line moved along and as the two friends got closer to the top of the line they saw a light figure—a beautiful looking man with flawless skin and long, wavy hair greeting people. Yakaboobis strained to hear what the light being, who appeared to be the gatekeeper, was saying. He thought he heard him saying something about the gift or the price that had to be paid to get into heaven. He seemed most gracious with everyone who approached.

Yakataboof asked, “What’s going on? What is he saying?”

“Something about a price. Shhh, look—the guy is leaving—he looks kinda mad!”

“And look, the next guy is also leaving—he is mad too. Wow, he just disappeared into thin air!”

“Oh, that’s hilarious considering where we are standing,” laughed Yakaboobis.

“What do you think is going on? Look, that guy left too. Have you seen anybody actually get into heaven yet?”

Yakaboobis reflected, “I don’t recall seeing anybody actually getting in. The gatekeeper guy doesn’t look perturbed by any of this. He is just as gracious to the next guy.”

“Yeah, weird,” Yakataboof nodded. “There are just a few guys in front of us. Man, did you see how mad that guy was? He was swearing up a storm. Maybe heaven isn’t any good,” he theorized.

“Maybe it’s just like those amusement parks where you have to put down some significant money and stand in endless lines for hours just to catch one ride of jolting amusement. Anyway, how did we get here, Yakataboof?—not believing in heaven?”