Tantra

She liked to notice him when he was unaware of her presence, when he doodled around with his computer or had his headphones on tapping out a beat or a chord onto the tape. She had a feeling for him; a quiet affection for him that she could only take notice of when he was not aware of her. Usually, in each other's company, he watched her alot, trying to be quiet- to remember to breathe, to keep his attention still. She was his Guru -spiritual teacher, and he wanted to please her. He wanted to be in her company and there often was alot of tough competition for that but he always managed to offer yet another service for her that she would accept. The other students began to notice that he was often about her and wondered how he managed such connection and visibility.

She watched him in dreams and saw everything. She was subtly intimate with him and it was in dreams that he stole a kiss from her or expressed his desire for her. She never spoke of the secret side of their life together. Then other dreams came; dreams in which he was courting her, asking to be with her; to marry her. He never mentioned any such feelings or desire when he was around her. He pleasantly went about his task of entering her stories onto tape or into the computer. There was an affectionate play between them that sometimes borderlined on flirting. Neither one of them crossed the line to something more obvious and intimate.

She surprised herself, everyone and him by proposing to him on a late in the season summer day. She was nervous about it, thinking that this proposal would be too shocking for him and he wouldn't know how to respond. The seconds passed endlessly slow as he read her letter. She sensed his great shock and thought ..dam it... what am I getting into -should i have opened this up? She felt strange, outside of herself when he was by her side hugging her, holding her, telling her of his shock- a shock he said that made him very happy. It has been almost two weeks since that night. More has come into the open. The play of affection was made easier by the openness of their words of love for each other.

They touch each other more and often. Friends and family are adjusting to seeing them together in that way. Sometimes she struggles with her need for privacy and the longing she feels coming from him and now feels to be her own natural state as well. She finds herself responding to new needs besides of her role as teacher to him. The need of the lover is arising in her and she needs to see him more, to touch him more. Though they have made only rough plans in regard to the actual wedding date, both knew it would be sooner than later in the year. She was feeling his absence more when he was at home tending to his disciplines and schedule. They needed and wanted to see each other everyday and those times together were strangely disorientating for her as the shorter periods of absence were. She was dizzy around him and didn't know if she was suffering some form of new malady or this was the symptoms of the strong attraction between them. Each day it was getting harder and harder to hold firm in their unspoken agreement to wait to have sex till the marriage.

Tonight he was coming to return her stories; editing work he had done for her. He arrived at her doorstep with papers and a happy smile. She welcomed him in and they hugged and he told her that he had written a song for her. Could he play it for her? he asked. She said, yes. He sat down on the white bench in front of her baby grand. He was hoping that she would sit by his side and she did.

He touched the keys, they felt cold to the touch. He moved graciously into the introduction, playing the warmer chords to convey his feelings. He sang and the feeling in his song intensified as he felt her. The music and his voice were full of his feeling for her. Her heart felt loved and recognized and she put her hand on his thigh.

When he finished the song, he gazed into her eyes. He was touched even more deeply when he saw that her eyes were filled with water.. He smiled and she thought he would kiss her but instead he wiped her tears with his fingertips. Without thinking about it he put his fingers to his mouth and tasted the salty liquid.

She didn't know why but seeing him do this caused more tears to flow and she laughed and said, "I don't know why I am crying. You must have put some kind of spell on me.!" He laughed and thought, This woman, who is she, how can she be so real, so open. She is my guru, how can I show her my love, I barely know my own self?

Neither one knew what to do next. She got up from the bench. He tugged on her arm to stop her and and pulled her back to him. She fell on to his lap and he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her neck and her hair. She could feel her body resting and touching on his. She wanted to kiss him, to take his shirt off and touch him, to take her shirt off and press up against his chest- her breast feeling the warmth of his skin. They clung to each other, feeling too much and wanting to go further into the embrace. He slipped his hands under her shirt and felt the touch of her. Her back was soft and he wondered if she wanted him to touch her breasts.

She whispered in his ear, "I love you," and she laughed a sweet laugh that said, "We goners."

She disengaged from the embrace and held out her hand to him and led him into her bedroom. They sat on the edge of her bed and he kissed her softly. She unbuttoned her shirt and he pulled his T shirt over his head. He smiled and said, "I'm really happy " She nodded and said,"So am I, really happy. Really happy that I can feel this way about you. That I can feel this way again."

She unzipped his pants and jumped out of her own skin covers quickly. He pulled his pants and underwear off. Now that they both knew that they would be together in this way, their mood became lighter and more playful. They sat on the bed with grins on their faces. He touched her cheek and she reached into his lap and held his penis. She laughed at some of the silly thoughts that can go through your mind (if you have one) at a time like this.

He touched her breasts, cupping them and tugging gently on the nipples. She wrapped both her hands around his penis and felt it's size growing in her hands. She played with his pubic hairs and rolled her hands over his chest.. She looked into his eyes and she felt his excitement and love. They kissed for along time on the mouth. She kissed his eyes and ears and chin.

They teased each other about aliens, the FBI and lesbians and reading this as part of the movie she was making. He joked back saying, "The next scene in the movie should be the demonstration video." She laughed and said,"I'm way too shy for that!"They tickled each other for a hilarious moment and then she climbed on to his lap.