Great Spiritual Debate

From close and closer the multitudes gathered to hear the Great Debate. The debate was to take place in their own backyards. The opponents were unevenly matched, or so they thought—but the debate was not a matter of thought for the multitudes—no, it was only a matter of curiosity and cheap entertainment. The only admission charge was to come and watch. The attendance number was held in question because the current mini-series, "The Rich and the Powerful: The Story of the Last Kennedy," was on television.

Sunny was attracted to staying home and watching the mini-series but felt an urging to go to the debate. She packed her cigs and a Hershey's chocolate bar with nuts in her purse, just in case it dragged on. I wonder how I'll know who won, she thought. "Ah, they'll probably announce it," she said out loud to herself.

Shady Bellywap also decided to attend. He knew that the debate was going to be between a man and a woman. He had put good money on the man, a bet of twenty dollars, an enormous amount of money for Shady. "Yea, why not?" he thought to himself. "It's a sure thing." Shady's wife, Sunny, was betting on the woman. Yea, she's into women's lib and all that crap. Well, Shady thought, she can be into all that crap as long as she puts dinner on the table at five and puts out with a little sex once in a while, but she is gonna lose big on this bet. Shady grumbled, "What do women know about spiritual matters? After all, God created man in his own image. That leaves out tits and cunts. Although I must admit, I couldn't get by without some T&C every once in a while."

Melvin checked his watch. "Oh, I better get going; the debate starts in ten minutes." Melvin tied his long hair into a pony tail and sang out his favorite song, "Burning Down the House," by the Talking Heads. He wasn't sure why he liked the song, the words didn't make any sense to him. Most likely the debate won't either— he laughed and took one last drag from his joint and headed out the door.

A small crowd of grown-ups and children gathered around the large stone in the open field of wild grasses. Wild flowers such as daisies, fennel and Queen Anne's Lace sprouted between the blades. Most of the people had brought blankets and snacks and were settling down—getting comfortable, waiting for the words of wisdom that would be showering upon their brains in a matter of minutes.

Melvin looked around and noticed a few good-looking women. Maybe twenty-one or twenty-two at the most, he thought and sat close by.

The two women noticed that Melvin was an extinct prehistoric creature from long ago—well, at least the seventies! Oddly enough, Morney and Kaba were at the Great Spiritual Debate because they were acquainted with one of the debaters. They had met the woman. Her name was SAS which was not short for self-addressed stamp, but Susan Anthony Simpson. Morney and Kaba had heard her speak several times and they were impressed with her knowledge and intensity. They couldn't figure out exactly what SAS had been talking about, but then again, they were always stoned on coke when they had heard SAS talk. Tonight they were in a more linear frame of awareness, and quite frankly, neither of them liked being linear.

Billy Twinkle, the local who loved to gather people together for whatever purposes he enjoyed, jumped onto the central meeting stone. Billy, himself, loved debates and was often known to hog conversations with his endless knowledge of deer hunting. He had been on deer hunts ever since he was a very young boy and he had never failed to shoot a doe or buck during each hunting season. Billy was at least forty-two years old now—going back to when he was a wee lad, that's a lot of dead deer. What did he do with all those carcasses? Billy never really told anyone, but the locals suspect that he had a deer graveyard in his back woods. As to why he loved debates, Billy never told anyone either. Sunny suspected that Billy loved to hear both sides of any issue because he couldn't make up his mind on anything, except of course for the necessity of shooting a deer during deer season. Sunny also suspected that Billy might be bisexual and that's why he never could decide to marry his long-time girlfriend, Jana. Sunny cracked open her Hershey's chocolate bar with nuts and felt the sugar rush as Billy introduced the debate.

"Ladies and gentlemen, friends and locals, we are gathering here tonight to hear a debate of great spiritual importance. I have three questions to ask each person. They each will have a chance to answer the question. The audience may then ask questions of either debater. Each debater will have a closing speech. The winner will be decided by your applause, so clap really loud for whomever you like best, or think makes the most sense. First, I'll introduce SAS, which is short for Susan Anthony Simpson. SAS has recently moved here from southern California. She claims that she has no proof of her spiritual realization. She would love to get to know everybody, eat candy, drink beer and watch the latest mini-series with her new friends." (Sunny wondered if that was Billy's attempt at a joke or whether SAS really did say such a thing.) "SAS also claims that Bliss is our natural state of Being. Well, sounds too good to be true, if you ask me," Billy spouted as he wiped the sweat dripping from his eyebrows.

"Our other debater is William Henerbee. William has his Ph.D. in philosophy and is the author of many books. I'm sure you are all familiar with his The Transcendence of Everything You Ever Imagined You Enjoyed, and the ever popular, You Can't Take It With You To Enlightenment." Billy looked out above his notes toward the audience. He could tell that not a single one of them had read any of Henerbee's books.

William Henerbee smiled and bowed to the audience and shook hands with his worthy opponent, SAS. They both took their seats—two pink cushions. SAS's and William's legs dangled over the front crevices of the granite rock. Billy jumped off the rock and said, "Let's begin the debate."