God Is The F word

“Phone call, Sudra,” Jared called down from the house to the studio, hoping she would hear him and he wouldn’t have to walk down the hill and back up the hill. Sudra did hear him and thought, hope this is important, I’m on a creative run. A little out of breath from the push up the hill, Sudra answered the phone with a soft voice gasping for air.

“Sudra,” then a pause, so she said, “Yes, it’s Sudra. Who is this?”

“Sudra, yes, hello, it’s Bonnie. Another long pause.

“Hi, Bonnie. Another pause. Sudra thought, she is calling me so girl make the first move and tell me what it is that you want.

“It’s Bonnie.” Yes, yes, thought Sudra.

“How are you?”

“Very well, and how about yourself?” Sudra politely asked.

“I’m well too. I’m calling for Beloved . . .”

“Is he coming to visit?” teased Sudra.

“Oh, no, I don’t think so, well, not at this time . . .”

“Sudra continued her tease, “Maybe next week then, you guys are always welcome.”

“Yes, thank you very much Sudra. I’m calling about Venus. Beloved is concerned about her.”

“Oh, why?” asked Sudra. “Is there something wrong with her?”

“She has left the island in a very disturbing manner. No one knows where she went to.”

“So, she has run away, huh? Being over eighteen, I guess you can’t call it running away.”

“We are all concerned, especially Beloved. We discovered that she was e-mailing you and thought she might of confided in you.”

“Bonnie, I was hoping that Venus would have confided in you.”

“She hasn’t.”

“I’m sure she will confide in you and Beloved soon. I will pass that message to her when I see her.”

“Then, you know where she is?” asked Bonnie.

“I got to go now, I’m in the middle of a collage. Like I said, I’ll give her the message and I’m sure she’ll get back to you. Bye.”

Sudra hung up the phone, got a drink of water and headed back to the studio. She knocked on the door of studio B. “Hey, Venus, better give your dad a call, that was Bonnie on the phone. It didn’t take them long to figure it out.”

Venus opened the door and walked into Sudra’s studio. “Did she sound nervous, scared?” asked Venus.

“Yep, Beloved must be really mad,” teased Sudra. “Gonna call him?”

“Yeah, I will, when I move into my new place next week.”

“Send him my regard” laughed Sudra. “Oh, after I finish my collage I’ll be leaving so lock up if you leave. I got a date with a certain one I’m longing to see,” sang Sudra.

Colbere pulled the sedan into the parking lot. It was a beautiful warm day, the golden hills were reflecting in the lake. A few guys were fishing off the shore and a few kids were throwing rocks into the lake. “Sudra said to meet her by the big boulder, can’t miss it.”

Hazzy said, “Oh, there it is, Lewd.”

Colbere could see that Hazzy was excited. He was excited for her. He had asked Hazzy about her predictions about Sudra again. She had confirmed them but told him not to worry; destiny always arrived in its’ proper place and order. Future events, often could not be understood with present knowledge or sensitivity. It would only make sense once it arrived; a tragedy could be a blessing. “Don’t worry, Lewd, God uses imperfection to achieve her plan. You know there is evolution of the species; there is also evolution of Consciousness.”

“What’s that?” asked Lewd.

“In evolution, species adapt to changing conditions to continue their survival. Consciousness also has its’ own purpose.”

“What’s that?” asked Lewd.

“Consciousness is taking everyone on an evolutionary journey of self discovery. Through our mistakes or imperfections we come to understand the bigger picture.”

“The bigger picture?” asked Colbere. “What is that?”

“The bigger picture is the learning or consciousness recognition of you in your entirety. You discover how big you really are.”

Colbere was a bit baffled. This was a Hazzy he had never seen before.

“What you realize is that you are too big for your breeches,” laughed Hazzy. “You out grow all those clothes of personal identity.”

Colbere pointed ahead. He recognized Sudra leaning against the rock, smiling at them. Hazzy; never being timid, called out: “Sudra, at last my darling, we meet.” The two women ran into each others’ arms and jumped up and down. Both were laughing and yelping like Indians on the war path.

No one knew what to say first. Words seemed so banal at a time like this. Colbere was amused; this is really great to see these two together. Glad I made it happen. This is so private, maybe I should skid-do. He got up and made some excuse about needing cigarettes and left the two women together.

“Do you remember?” asked Hazzy.

“What do you mean?” asked Sudra.

“This is not the first time we met.”

“Besides my dreams of you? “You’ve been a great support and push appearing to me as ‘The Mother.’”

“Yes, I suppose I have. I have no remembering of your dreams. I knew you were out there and you knew I was in there,” Hazzy laughed and knocked lightly on Sudra’s head.

Sudra was curious, “We met before, where, what was the circumstance?”

“You were in your early twenties. I had just awakened from the dream of being a separate one and was enjoying the natural state of all ready being happiness. Words are so stupid and awkward to describe THE TRUE ONE, don’t you think?”

Sudra nodded and rolled her eyes up. “You ain’t kidding.”

“I was walking down a street in Berkeley, singing to myself and I saw you walking in my direction. I was on fire with the bliss of being myself, happy . . . so happy . . . you remember those early days of recognition . . . what’s it like.”

Sudra nooded.

“As I got closer to you, I looked into your eyes. Man, Sudra! You were the saddest person I had ever seen. The burden of the whole world was right there on that small frame of yours. My heart went out to you and in that moment; after all the roles of personal identity had left me, I took on a universal role. As we passed each other on the sidewalk I said to you, ‘Don’t worry, your real mother loves you.’ You looked at me and smiled o-so-briefly and passed on.”

“Thanks mom, I knew it. I knew, despite everything that I had believed that only weighed me down, I knew that I was really all right. Really, I don’t remember our meeting but I remember the lowest point of my life and I remember I started dreaming of you at that time.”