Now that I am older I am developing a sense of history

Now that I am older I am developing a sense of history
I am more able to put things in context of what actually
happened, what actually manifested, rather than from my
idealism – even if it came from lofty spiritual understandings
or insight
What has actually happened is the real indicator of what can
happen
There is truly always a bigger picture
It’s there happening, evolving through all the ordinary little
pictures
Being older and being wiser is the act of understanding that
real depth is revealed through the ordinary
Everything is actually as it really is
It is always telling you what it actually means
Having one’s idealism smashed is very helpful
It was a painful process to go through
The result was a more realistic understanding of my affecting;
of my place in history.
Funny, this led to more freedom with more restraint
More acceptance of what is here
More capacity to see the beauty and enjoy it
More capacity to see the ugliness and accept it and get my
hands dirty cleaning it up if I can
More capacity to notice and experience all the ordinary
moments
I lost my need to escape to some higher spiritual purpose that
will keep me free from all this mess down here.
I am humbled by my place in history
I am part of a great story that I can pass on to those intimates
that live on longer than I
Yes, I am developing a sense of history