Do You Think I miss

And Do You Think I Miss...?

The long silences of repressed emotion
the superficial conversations that clothe the fear of real intimacy
the boring sexual encounters that were as dull as brushing my teeth
the frustration because I couldn't remember what it was that I love
the sickness, the pain, the dulled anger; so used to it that it seemed
normal to be that way....always emptied?

And do you think I miss...
your childish tendencies and inability to initiate real changes
in your life
the way you bought me off with trinkets?
Your needs came first
and if I had any needs that interfered with your convenience I was
selfish and made to feel guilty.

And do you think I miss my little girl that was afraid to stand up and
make her own heart changes?
And the one that mothered everyone because she wasn't mothered?

And do you think I miss...
the struggles of following my intuitions
of taking bold, firm steps on the path to really becoming the Self
learning to love my teachers
of willing to surrender my fears, my power for a look of love
from the Beloved One...?

And do you think I miss...
not having a mind
a social personality
someone I can hide behind
a painful sense of separativity
someone to find?

No, my friend, I do not miss anything.
I AM THE ONE that you are missing...

10/18/88